The weirdest apology I ever got

I grew up knowing that when you did something wrong, or felt that you needed to let people know that you empathized with them, you were supposed to say sorry. Well, given that you mean it, say sorry.

When I got back home from picking up dinner at Mr. Choi's for Daddy, I got into the elevator and saw my cute neighbor (hehe, my ex-crush). He was reading a mag when I said what's up.

And he looked up and got startled, or something. And he started covering his face, and right off the bat, he was talkin' bout, "I'm sooo sorry, my face looks so bad, I just got back from the dermatologist!"

So I look at him like, I can't believe it's not butter... So corny, I am. Naw, but I looked at him like, I can't believe you just said that, and I told him, "I can't believe you're saying sorry. Why, wHY, WHY?!?" No. I didn't say that - not the 'why' part, anyway.

And he helped me bring all the bags of chinese food into the house, and that was that.

I was thinking about it though. Why would he feel like he'd have to apologize for looking bad? And it wasn't even that he didn't. Even though all the red bumps were really noticable, I wouldn't frickin' hold it against him and be like, "Eww, I'll see you later, I'ma catch the next elevator." What could have possibly made him feel like he needed to apologize for his face. Unbelievable.

Well. It's probably what he does for a living. I mean, I can't imagine being looked at by millions of people everyday on TV. He probably feels like there's a need for him to look flawless everyday - even after going to the derma's. I just felt bad. I feel pressure as it is being a student, and having the boys depend on me for essentially everything - on top of that, trying to keep my parents pleased with what I'm doing.

Nevertheless, it felt weird. Especially for me, the girl that goes downstairs in her pajama pants (with weird prints, like frogs and stuff) to buy coffee. It isn't that I simply don't give a rat's butt about what I look like. I don't, like, let myself slide with the ugliness. But I can't picture myself insecure enough to apologize to someone I barely know for having a red, bumpy face. Felt kinda bad for him.

There's my random blabbin' for today. Lesson of the story?

It's gonna take a lot more than coupons to get us saved /
Gonna take a lot more than dew rags to get your way

Haha! Wala lang. I'm a dork. "why, wHY, WHY?! would you ask me that, WHY?!"

Kids say the darnedest things

I was born in '82. Yes, I'm turning twenty-two in November, but "iduhkerrr" because I know I still look 12. Whoa - defensive. Haha! Lemme start over.

I was born in '82. And being a toddler in the 80's, I don't remember much about it. Rob sure does. He wrote a whole song about it (skilled, I tell you, skilled). I do remember loving music from the start, thanks to MTV and Down Town Julie Brown. Haha! I would dance to Paula Abdul's Cold-Hearted Snake, and sing Whitney's I wanna dance with somebody to my dad, then ask him if I sounded like her. Wow. I was a wannabe singer from the get go, huh?

Anyway, thinking about the 80's (or the little that I actually remember of it) had me thinking about being a kid again. And the funny things that they tell me I used to say. Kids really do say the funniest things.

Example. I wanted Daddy to buy me some toy. And he explained to me that we didn't have money for toys. So I replied, "So instead of going to the liquor store to buy racing track forms and cigarettes, why don't we just buy more money instead?"



Kids are hilarious. They really are. I once had a dog named Buddha. And when Francis was around 4, I used to ask him what the english translations were for tagalog words. I asked him one day, anong english ng 'aso'? He'd reply, "BUDDHA!" Or when you'd ask him in English, What's your favorite subject in school? he would answer, "HOTDOG!". hehe.

My niece J'nai is a funny one, too. Her mom told me that she wrote a love letter to her 7-year old "boyfriend" that read, "I like it when you touch my desk." She's a crazy one. The only 7-year old I know that has memorized the word's to Eminem's My Dad's Gone Crazy. I REALLY, really wish I was lying.

KC is, as well, a cutie pie. It's just so funny how innocent they are!

Tina: KC, tell Mommy, 'I love you!'
KC: (nonchalantly)I love you.
Tina: Tell me, 'I love you' with FEELINGS!
KC: Mommy, I love you WITH FEELINGS, OKAY?!

Too cute.

Y'all are my witnesses.

To my readers (yes, all 3 or 4 of you),

You guys are my witnesses. I'm putting off all that lovey-dovey, futurama, Will You Be Mine, backless wedding dress talk until further notice. I'm back from my day-dreaming fiasco.

But one last one. Hahaha!

I talked to a friend I met in Cebu a few years back last night (err. technically, this morning. but whatever. it was still dark out. so, night. dark. night. get offa me already!), and it was exciting to hear about all the good things that are happening in his life right now! I remember the first time I met him - all shy and quiet. Never seen without a Kangol hat on. Hehe. Trademark. I remember the first time he performed at the club Mic dj'ed at. I heard him, and I looked at Mic like this guy is not bad. Being a hater, Mic did just that. hehe. But he was good. Is good, actually. And moving up.

Anyway. So many exciting things are happening with him. Finishing up with school. Workin' his butt off for his album. Shooting TWO videos this year. PLUS! He might be opening for OUTKAST! And I tell him, So I gotta ask you. Do you have like, fans now? Like lil' itty bitty girls that go gaga over you? How does your girl handle it?" (thanks, Joe, for the ridiculous term - I've been saying it for a minute now). And he's like, "Yeah, funny you ask, there are. But she's cool. She understands. She trusts me. And I ALWAYS wear my ring."

Yeah, Ring. He said, "ring". Engaged. And I find this out at the same time all my wedding thoughts. On his website, this song is playin'. And I tell him, "I'm feelin' Be My Girl." The hook is so Kanye style, it's adorable. And he goes, "I wrote that for my fiance". And I'm a dork. I immediately think, I wish someone would write a song for me like that. Haha!

I can wait, of course. I don't think I really have a choice, hehe. But yeah, I'm gonna be happy waiting. Just do my thang. Live my life before I start going "gaga" over someone. Too many things to do. So much I want to experience. Too many children I want to watch grow up. That backless wedding dress can wait. And I will, too.

Okay. It's out of my system. That dumb Cinderella DVD (yes, Cinderella. I'll admit it, this was the root of all evils these past couple weeks) is out the window (or hidden somewhere in my desk drawer, so whatever). And I'm going to start acting like myself again. Hehe.

Ey, man. I will be praying for that Outkast thing. Then you could hook me up with the front row and backstage privelleges. For you, of course. Front row to see you. Hehe.

I fell asleep studying again.



Jena "studying" yesterday.

The Future

Currently listening to: The Roots ft. Musiq - Break you off
Sportin': A hair cut that I hate.
Feelin': Impatient

I've been so impatient lately. And being impatient is so uncharacteristic of me. Check out lines at the SM grocery store are killer. They take forever! The longest I've waited (that I've actually timed) clocked in at 1 hour and 40 minutes. And I can take it.

Getting classes at UA&P is ridiculous. You actually have to go at the butt crack of dawn just to get a good priority number. Why can't we register for classes over the phone or online like normal schools? And that's not even the half of it. There's a long frickin' line filled of kids that push and shove, that laugh loud and boisterously, but I can take that, too.

But for the past few weeks, I have been so impatient for what's to come, that I can barely keep still. I dream about the weirdest things because the weirdest things are always on my mind. I day dream about where I'm going to live, what kind of kids that would be in the classes I'd teach, who would constantly be surrounding me... It's my latest obsession.

Picture me rollin' in my 500 Benz. What song?

Oh yeah, nevermind.

I see myself back in Southern California somewhere. Love Burbank, but don't see myself being able to afford living there. Nor will I live around my sister, because it's just too far from LA and all of my friends. I'm teaching at an elementary school somewhere - Kindergarten or first grade.

Even a little bit about my wedding, I've been thinking about. How I need to get my stupid tatoos removed because I want to have a backless dress. By the way - one of the worst decisions in my life. I was 16, insecure, and thought that tatoos would make me an official bad-ass. Got two in the span of 3 days. Kids can be so stupid. Anyway. My backless white dress, exposing my tatoo-less back. I want Joaquin & Abby to sing Will you be mine as I'm walking down the isle (or Ruff Endz themselves, hehe). I want an outdoor wedding - some time late afternoon when the sky is barely starting to get orange-pink because the sun's starting to set. AA, I want to be the ring-bearer, and I'm not even going to name any bridesmaids, or the maid of honor because I don't want people goin, "WHY WOULDN'T I BE MARRIED BEFORE YOU?! WHAT'S THE BASIS?!" I know that I kinda vowed to myself that I wouldn't buy any Cosmos anymore (the mag, not the drink) because of all the unwholesome trash that's in it, I found myself buying one a month ago because it had a free wedding guide thing that came with it. It's silly. I don't even see my groom's face yet - but I see myself. And I am one HOT bride. Hehehe.

Anyway. Everything seems so distant all of a sudden. Plus it's funny how you can have everything planned out for yourself, but God doesn't see things the way you do and switches things up for ya all of a sudden. And that may happen for me again. But then again, it's always fun to daydream.

A couple years isn't that long to wait. Time flies. I've been here for over 2 years now, and I've barely noticed. I know I can wait. But my patience. My mind is like outta control right now. What did Roks tell me nga? Patience isn't merely being able to wait - it's the attitude towards waiting.

Well. Two minutes to one in the morning. I better get back to my theology books.

Jesus walks with me

Now hear ye hear ye want to see Thee more clearly /
I know he hear me when my feet get weary /
'Cause we're the almost nearly extinct /
We rappers are role models / we rap we don't think
I ain't here to argue about his facial features /
Or here to convert atheists into believers /
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers /
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that's the way y'all need Jesus /
So here go my single dog radio needs this /
They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus /
That means guns, sex, lies, video tapes /
But if I talk about God my record won't get played
HUH?!
Well let this take away from my spins /
Which will probably take away from my ends /
Then I hope this take away from my sins /
And bring the day that I'm dreaming about /
Next time I'm in the club everybody screaming out...

Jesus walks with me

Jesus Walks by Kanye West
The College Dropout

Why, my goodness, Kanye. You're a frickin' genius.

I'm not even going to worry about what's going to happen. I know that all these problems we're going through will pass. It's times like these that we need to just take hold of our faith in God and know that He will never leave us nor forsake us. No matter what happens, God is the only thing I will ever be able to cling to.

And they need more songs like these playing on the radio, for real.

Song of the Day:
Jesus I ain't trying to be facetious /
But "Vengence is mine," said the Lord /
You said it better than all...

Lucifer, Lucifer, Dawn of the mornin' /
I'm gonna chase you outta here

Man I gotta get my soul right /
I gotta get these devils out my life
These cowards gonna make a nigga ride /
They wont be happy till somebody dies

-Jay-z, Lucifer - The Black Album

What is up with all this Seattle talk?

For the past week, I've heard the word, "Seattle" quite often. It all started with Joy. "You know what I've been thinking? I want to get outta AZ and move somewhere. Washington, or Colorado or something." Okay, okay - she didn't say "Seattle" precisely. But I was thinking it. I hear the word "Washington" and I instantaneously think of the Space Needle, Seattle, the Pacific Science Center, Elliot Ave., Pike Place, HIGH SCHOOL!, Sir Mix A Lot, etc. Anyway, Seattle. So yeah, Joy wants to move to Seattle. And I'm totally for it! I tell her, "You know what? That's the best thing you've said all day. Let's do it then." I really didn't say that, but that's what I was thinking. I've loved and missed Seattle for a minute now.

Then a few days ago, Judith text messaged me. It read, "Do you want to live in Seattle with me?" My jaw dropped. It was so coincidental. We ended up on the phone for hours playing with the idea of what would happen, and how she could pick up and leave her career goals and accomplishments, family! behind and just move. But her reasoning was just. She wants to be able to get away from the fast-paced Southern California lifestyle that we, both, are so accustomed to. "It's only gonna be a few more years until she's gonna hit her teens and not want me around at all," she justifies. She wants to be able to be there for her daughter during her childhood - a lot more than she has been because of her career goals. That's always a good thing. Such a dedicated parent, my sister is.

Anyway, it's completely "carazy". I kid yall not, ever since I was little, I'd daydream about how I would like to live in the same area as her when we were all grown up. I even thought that I'd one day move to Arizona just so that we could be around eachother. And when Judith had J'nai, I sooo soooo longed to be around them and watch her grow up, but couldn't because I was in the Philippines all the time. I made an agreement with myself to be around in the future when all of this stuff I'm doing is up and done. And the fact that they both mentioned it is simply exciting to me.

I've loved the Philippines though. I can honestly say that I've grown up here. My friends are the best here. I've learned so much about the Filipino and where my parents were born and raised - so much more than what I might have come to known being that typical lil' asian-american girl that I was. The only thing is I feel like I've missed so much already. Donnell's graduation. Kyle's and J'nai's birth. Being there for my mom. Wow, now that I think about it, it's been 7 years that I've been going back and forth. Seven years.

Seattle seems great. I'm really gonna think [errr, uh, daydream] about it. I have a couple more years to do so...

Can you define the word kapoy?

Time: 150pm
Attire: my cheap Boracay board shorts & a gray t-shirt
On repeat: John Mayer - Neon
Feelin': Itchy

A lot of things have been going on since I last wrote. Sad, pathetic news? The dumb Lakers choked as predicted. Good news? A pleasant surprise from the past - good past =) - popped back into my life. But one thing will never change: my usage of the word, kapoy.

I can't quit saying it. It was the first Cebuano word I ever learned. And it's just the best word in the world. Don't be surprised if in a few years I pop a baby out and name him, Kapoy.

And everyone says it now! Matet says it. Joy has made it like her theme word ("KAPOY has got to be my word of the year. it has reached the top position of the top 10 list.") .

I say it when I get home from school. I say it before I go to bed. I say it when I get up to go to school. My goodness, I say it when I don't even feel kapoy.

Yeah, I thought I was going to do this right now, but nevermind. Too kapoy. Gonna go take a nap before I leave for VLI. *sigh* Tuesdays are such long days.